"A Christmas Homage" by Katie Schwartz

My friend Katie wrote this one morning. I read it last week and thought it was the most genius rave Christmas poem ever. So here it is:

"A Christmas Homage" by Katie Schwartz

Twas the weekend before christmas, And all through the bay
There were so many parties, Just in one day
The headphones where hung by serato with care
In hopes that this next mix won't raise any hairs

Some children were nestled all snug in their beds
Others had candy kids dance through their heads
Mamma in her jeggings, and I in my beanie
Had just settled our brains on a very long evening

When out on the street arose such a clatter!
I sprang from my post to see what was the matter
Away to the drop box, I hid all the cash!
Was acting quite normal and not at all brash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave lustre to objects like nobody knows
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a miniature DJ with eight tiny reindeer!

He rolled right on through and got set up right quick
I knew in a moment this must be DJ Nick!
More rapid than eagles his groupies they came
As he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dealer! now, Dancer! now, Weird guy who's stripping!
On, House-head! on, Twostep! shit! That guy is unzipping!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So it's up to the house-kids, party on they do
With a sleigh full of tracks and DJ Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard some guy say
This guy was ranked 3rd last week on RA.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney DJ Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed up in fur, from his head to his foot
Because some hipster once told him, it's irony misunderstood
A satchel of goodies a sack full of tracks
He looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
Where under his nose it remained white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he passed to the next geek,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath,
He had a smug face and a little round belly,
It would have shook if he laughed, but he was told it would have ruined his image so he didn't.

He was happy deep down for his time was just near
To closing a set that would make us all cheer.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
I knew in a moment this'd be on the internet.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all our heads with tunes of rebirth.
Laying his finger aside of his nose,
He gave a wink, and a sniff, up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
His set and the night would be unforgettable.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a long night!"